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Self-Soothing – YMMP009

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GO TO TIME OUT!

   We send our children to “time out” when they’re misbehaving. It’s a chance for them to think about what they did wrong.

We need to take a voluntary time out when our arguments get heated. We need to disengage, walk away and regroup in the middle of a spat. Come back when we’ve calmed down.

When we get “flooded,” the best thing we can do is to “self-soothe” for 20 or more minutes.

Listen to today’s episode to make sure you don’t fall into the trap of a lose-lose argument.

“Practice Self-Soothing” is on the Manage Conflict rung of the Sound Relationship House and is the topic for today.

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Positive Perspective – Couple Friendship – YMMP005

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Psst…

Want to know the best ways to insure your marriage? No monthly or annual installments here. Can you guess what two simple ways are (in addition to daily hugs, of course)?

You’d be right if you guessed the following:

  1. Create a stronger friendship with your spouse.
  2. Adopt a positive perspective to ensure a positive view of your spouse. When the going gets tough, you are equipped with good thoughts and can overcome disagreements more easily.

Today’s episode centers on the “Positive Perspective,” the 4th level of the “The Sound Relationship House” (www.gottmaninstitute.com). Find out how understanding negative and positive viewpoints can create either poisonous roots or blossoming flowers in your marriage.

Don’t be surprised when you hear of a spouse getting blindsided by the partner or a couple you thought had a solid marriage announcing their separation or divorce, with “no clue” or warning to at least one of the partners. I bet they weren’t incorporating the principles of The Sound Relationship House in their marriage.

If you haven’t already done so, please listen to the previous three episodes so that you can create a relationship in which you won’t be blindsided. Visit www.marriagecoachlynn.com for a model of the Sound Relationship house in the Resources section.

A great resource for strengthening your friendship and putting a little more sizzle into your marriage, download a copy of “Reenergize Your Marriage in 21 Days” on Smashwords.com or Amazon.com.

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Love Maps – The Key to Understanding – YMMP002

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Did you know that couples get stuck in a cycle of conflict and miscommunication based in large part because they don’t understand each other?

Does your spouse GET you? Does he or she know what’s going on with you? Do you GET your spouse?

On today’s show, we talk about LOVE MAPS – what it means, why it’s important and how you can create an accurate love map.

“Building Love Maps; Knowing One Another’s World” is at the foundation of the Sound Relationship House Theory (as proposed by John Gottman; gottmaninstitute.com). A love map is a road map of one’s inner psychological world.

Do you know the one quality essential for accurate Love Maps?  I’ll give you a hint. Unscramble these letters: S-T-O-N-E-Y-H

Today’s show went beyond 15 minutes, in part because I wanted to review 4 secrets on how to build an amazing marriage:

  1. Self-awareness. You must seek the truth about yourself, and not be afraid to be vulnerable.
  2. YOU are responsible for a big part of your marital happiness, so STOP staring at your spouse for answers or blame.
  3. Teamwork. Always keep in mind that the husband and wife dynamic is like a team, working for the “greater good” and end goal of a fully functioning family unit. Say that 10 times fast. Fully functioning family unit…..
  4. Stick with Your Marriage Matters and you won’t become a statistic! It is my hope that you become a pillar of your community, with an amazing marriage. Very few marriage counselors and coaches make guarantees and promises, but I do.